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If I lived in a magical world where it was possible to create my own friend, this individual would have to be imbued with certain ineluctable qualities, one such is an innate resistance to crack me on the cranium after one of my sporadic supercilious yet poignant sarcasms. There’s that. My imaginary friend, instead of acting out violently, would instead wield a sharp enough riposte to cut steel. My dearest friend would also possess a pretzelled sense of humor that would make a rich urban biker cringe into the saddle-bags of his $35,000 three-wheeled donor-cycle.
That’s only for starters. It has been said that opposites compliment one another, so unlike me, my friend would be a realist and make money. It would be really cool if my friend would guide me when I’m being a fool and let me know when I could be a better person than the one I am being at the moment, which is pretty much always. For instance my good pal would use those tender words my mother used to say, such as; “That’ll never work, you’ve got it inside out and upside down, idiot! Now try harder!”. That would be nice. It warms my heart just thinking of my mother and her words of wisdom.
Lastly, to put a cherub on top, this someone must have a good heart, the forgiving kindness one shows to a shelter animal. If this dream friend had just those qualities alone, that person would never have anything to do with me! As Groucho Marx said, “I would never belong to a club that would have me as a member.”
But, as unrealistic as that sounds, much to my astonishment, this person exists! I’m not talking about my long suffering wife, she would definitely clock me upside the head. I’m talking about the one. . . the only. . . you know her you love her. . . that Matriarch of The Manor is none other than Deer Island’s own Kory Dollar.
Besides what I’ve said above, we all know she’s much more than that! Generosity, humility and patience are also some of her many virtues.
Most people who know Kory will always think of her indominable spirit and creative brilliance, she is the friend who will wrap you in a loving embrace and whisper to you privately those invaluable constructive words of advice on how to improve your technique, sometimes with humor, but always with love. Lest you be fooled, she is also very much unafraid to call it as she sees it, and personally, I think that is the quality I admire the most because she will tell me when I’m being a dolt and not sugar coat it.
After all that introduction, I want to share a short story about her as she recuperates from foot surgery and can’t chase after me for writing it. Since she’s going to be immobilized for at least a couple months, I thought I would begin 2024 with this little tribute to her. In this short story I reminisce about a trip we took together in response to an advertisement, someone posted regarding materials for sale and we were interested! The rest is pure Kory. Please enjoy;
Kory Gonna Be Kory.
Have you ever purchased something or made a deal with someone at such a ridiculously low price that you felt as if you were almost “getting away with something”? I did, rather my unindicted co-conspirator Kory and I did. That is why I have to tell you this little tale.
It would be a prevarication to say we purchased an entire truckload of wood. We stole it. Metaphorically speaking of course. Just the same, we took away lots and lots of wood. This is a true story about how I ended up with an actual ton of wood, a smorgasbord of all shapes and sizes and Kory ended up with a farrago of her artwork framed in very creative ways. Best of all, it was rough-sawn, consisting of mostly cedar but also included spruce and redwood.
It all began when someone in the sticks north of Rainier reached out to her on that Marketplace/Facebag app she uses. They conveyed that they were selling some wood for $100. She soon called on me as I have a truck and, as anyone with a truck will tell you, you will always have friends in need. Besides that, I am always in need of wood and agreed it’s worth at least looking into.
When we first arrived at this farmhouse in the rolling hills above Rainier, there were two fellows who were standing next to a bonfire spewing grayish-blue smoke into the lovely pale-blue fall sky. They pointed to the bay of a large pole-barn and said "It's in there." Kory got out of the truck continued talking to them as I went to investigate, feeling that we may have made this trip only to find a bunch of schlock that a couple fools were trying to offload. Well, it turns out that there was a LOT of wood alright, all properly stored and leaning against the walls like sentries looming large and guarding the enclosure. There was a mix of variegated and straight edge boards with a wide range in conditions some with previous weather exposure.
I said to myself “This is a mint! Surely they meant that they would only sell us only SOME of this as there was a hell of a lot of wood here!”
I back the truck into place and stared as if I walked into a pastry shop knowing I can only have so many. But which ones do I take? Some of it was clear grain, meaning no knots. Some had weathered into gray, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Many of them were two inches thick and appeared to be sixteen feet long! I could build a lot of things and make some delightful frames from all that variegated edge to boot.
Finally Kory and one of the men appeared. I asked which ones they were selling.
“All of it.”, he said, “What you don’t take we’re gonna burn.”
(⊙ˍ⊙) WHAT?
Next I hear him say "You want some help?”
Choking back a laugh, I chortle meekly, “Well, yeah if you’re offering, but I have to stack it so the load doesn’t shift.”
It took at least an hour and a half before Kory and I could leave, there was so much to load up! By then my one-ton truck was considerably laden under the great weight that filled the back, pulling away from the barn if felt like I was hauling a couple water-logged pianos.
But before we left, they waved us down. “Oh no, I thought, they’ve changed their mind.”
However, it turns out, they wanted to show us some MORE things they were “getting rid of”. There were two antique leaded-prism-glass windows and four old wood-frame gridded glass doors that presumably once led to a porch. Kory did the talking, I wanted to leave before they realized that they were parting with thousands of dollars worth of wood and that, now that I’m loaded up, they soon might REALLY change their minds about the price!
But, they didn’t, and we were backing into another garage.
Already overloaded with wood, we now added two precious leaded-glass windows and four seven-foot by two foot wood and glass doors. My, oh my, did I ever drive with care, diligently negotiating each curve with dreams of what I will do with this treasure. Soon, however, I became aware that Kory and I hadn’t said a WORD to each other. We were at least one mile down the road... and then it happened...
We both looked at each other, grinning as if we had pulled off a bank heist and were home free... Yes, we both started to burst out laughing.
Oh how we started laughing. Soon a “high five”. More laughing!! I couldn’t stand it!!!
Kory blurts out “Can you f***ing believe it? They were going to f***ing BURN IT!”
“We stole it!”, I said. “We stole this wood for $100! AND those doors and windows!”
We drove the rest of the way back to The Manor where she took two doors and the windows and I the wood. It took days for me to offload and sort the lumber from the stuff that will become frames.
A Happy ending.
I hope you were not put off by the prolixity of this post, but this is classic Kory for you and brief descriptions of her are impossible. She purchased these two beautiful diamond-patterned leaded glass windows, four wood-frame gridded-glass doors and a small fortune in wood for chicken feed. We had an amazing day as we scurried off down the road with a truck full of riches. The fact that Kory paid $??? for all of it. . . well, that’s Kory for you. A business woman if there ever was one because she will get it back many times over. She didn’t cheat anyone, she just knows what she’s doing and it has paid huge dividends. She knew that I would use the wood and the doors, she just wants some frames from the wood. Well, I was able to build our den, make some delicious frames and still have a lot left over for many more frames.
Frames for Kory, of course, because she’s priceless.
Wow!!! Your description of your friend is very well done. As we know, words rarely give justice to the depth of what we are trying to convey. Therefore, I can only assume Kory is truly one of those lifetime finds.
What a story! You sure had me smiling. I could feel that moment and see it in my mind, the sudden burst of laughter. I truly believe we draw to us what we put into the world. I’m not surprised you got what you needed in an abundant reflection of you both! Beautiful story, magical occurrence. 👏🏻
What an excellent story about our dear friend, Kory! Thanks for sharing to your Substack friends!